I’ve found that no matter how much time I spend with my daughter beside me, it doesn’t pacify the guilt when I’m not with her. It’s not always there – but when I might be folding laundry, answering a client’s email, or cleaning the kitchen, and I look over to find my daughter playing nicely on the rug with her books, it’s there.
It’s a quiet voice in the back of my head. “Are you spending enough time with her? Is she learning all that she should? Does she know you love her? Is she playing alone because she wants to, or because she knows you don’t have time for her?”
The devil is a crafty one, isn’t he? He can knock you down at the strangest times. And it may not be motherhood guilt for you – it could be body issues, insecurity in relationships, a number of things. In the past I have told so many close friends to ignore that voice – is it God? Or is it the devil? God loves us. He cares for us. He speaks to us in still, small voices, but loving ones. When He corrects and chastises, it’s out of love, not to knock us down. And even after so many years of repeating this to others, it’s a hard lesson to learn myself.
I’m not here with answers, but I would love to hear other’s thoughts. Other moms work from their homes – how do you know it? What is your answer? For me so far, it’s just balance. Taking a break from my work when she wakes from her nap, feeding her, and then spending a half hour or so entertaining and talking and walking with her. Then I allow myself an occasional phone call with a client, an email, etc. sporadically, until it’s time for her next nap, and then it’s back to work.
The other assurance I have is the Word. Spending time in it, learning it, reading about what God has to say about motherhood. And I don’t believe He says to entertain 24/7. He speaks of the mother working with her hands, baking for her families, etc. It’s a balance, and I know this. But sometimes I have to repeat it to myself over, and over.